one more add-on to the "gain" list

I wouldn't have written my 1st song if not for this tough period.
Thank God for the gift.
My first, "Almost". =)

short-term...

One thesis
One major upset to a grand plan
One great episode of my life
To cry or to smile

Never ceasing support and words of encouragement
given by friends (close and not close), tutors, acquaintance
and of course by Him, for He sent them to me
though often I felt so far away from Him
And questioning what have i done to deserve this?

Certainly, there're reasons and I thought it's gonna take like
donkey years before I appreciate what He's done to me.
Shall draw up a list and compare the gains and the loss...
and see for myself how much has been revealed to me in less than a month..

Gains:
- we would have been sweating and jostling in Europe duirng the hot travel peak season
- Now that September seems like a better time to visit Europe...best arrgt from Him to us?...lol
- I can plan an affordable short getaway right after submission...to Bali...
- Can catch St Paul the musical
- Able to be around to be with Fr Michal before he leaves for Aus...i wld have totally missed seeing him the last time when I'm supposed to come back on the 2nd Jul only...and I'll be devastated i guess.
- That Moli can be ard to see thru the tough time at her home....maid...and moving house...maybe i can help to move also...
- Eat rice dumplings!...
- managed to "fight" our way through and now given consent to travel as a couple...so long as we sleep in mixed dorm...or dun share room...lol
- Able to develop my thesis to its full potential...
- Just being around in singapore....coz it seemed like so many things are happening within a few wks...like my dad just fractured his wrist...in cast...take 2 months to recover...haiz.
- stronger faith, stronger love and greater trust for Him and between me and gorgeous...
- Able to attend T3 bible study with BLYM....
- hmm...now it seems like not going overseas is the best....hopefully Sep will be "quiet" back at home...

Loss:
- Monetary loss from cancellation of trip and not able to travel with Nik and Ray.
- Unable to visit Bad Iburg and Conny...
- Might have missed mooncake festival...in Sep
- Not able to Commence with my frens tis July...well...but i still have frens in the next batch...
- and many other nitty gritty petty things i guess....

So I guess it's obvious...
have I gained or lost?...

need to focus, stop procrastination, seek an answer...

There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
(although there are many reason for me not to also)
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe
(or rather am trying to keep that faith)

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see
(patience!!...and keeping my eyes and mind open
to receive that pleasant surprise...hopefully pleasant...lol)

*words not in (  ) extracted from
"Everything in its time" by Corrinne May

Moving on...

The worst has come
And now it's just to move on
Things will only get better
Believing and discerning His voice

Words just not enough to express
But only can say, "Life still goes on."
Some said the battle is not lost
And there's a reason for all these to happen

Still, I had a wonderful birthday.
Initially thought it will be quite "different"
since so many things had happened.
Thankful for the endless bday wishes i've received.
I think it's one of the most in my 26yrs.
Grateful for having friends that will travel all
the way down to ulu west to give me a surprise
at the doorstep, holding a cake and a bag full of presents.
And blessed to have a German fren,
so generous, understanding and fun-loving.
Heartened to have a gf who's willing to walk thru
this difficult time with me,
and who ate to her heart's content at a buffet spread.
Haha.

I often told myself these few days
My predicament is not as bad as I thought
I'm still very much loved, cared and blessed.
Throughout my 20years of education,
it has been rather smooth compared to many.
Now i'm just even this one small episode and
it should not bring me down.

I'm still on my way
Continuing to learn to walk with Him
day by day.

Preparing for the worse...i guess pretty prepared now...

Tmr is the day
Probably the day that will leave a deep mark in my life.
Be it good or bad outcome.
It's the turning point.
Or a huge checkpoint.
A time for me to learn, to appreciate,
and not take things for granted.

Sat's homily at Novena,
Fr said that if God gives us too much,
we might drift away from Him.
While watching drama on TV,
this heroine said, sometimes you planned so much
and so well but things might not turn out the way you want it.
And at Mass today,
Fr AJ said that nothing that he has accomplished thus far
was by his own efforts but is purely God's grace and gift.

Over these two days, friends encouraged me,
Moli gave me assurance and support,
and God has spoken to me many times
to tell me that he has not abandoned me.
Haha...to top it off...
i went for a jog just now in NTU,
weather was gorgeous and wanted to sweat it out
and purge out all my negative ions
that's building up in my body.
And i bumped into Fr Michal.
It's almost like God sending an angel to me..lol
Well, he was too fast...couldn't catch up with Him.
And within 10mins, he was out of sight.
And i was all alone again, making my way through the
cooling, shady and peaceful NTU campus.

Conversations in my mind did not subside
It just kept going on and on and on...
A battle of the voice of Satan and the voice of Truth

I might falter and hit a really bumpy road,
at a time when my bday is just one day away.
But i pray for strength, that i'll be able to pick myself up
and carry on.
That i may have the strength to face my family and friends.
And to face up to the situation.

What if it turns out well?
May i not take it for granted and really be grateful for His grace.
It's a test that for probably the first time
I've really feared
And at the same time hoping that I could go through it courageously.