one of the very rare rainy days
but still able to look out and look at the grey sea...
it's been just a week since my submission + presentation
and it felt like it's been a month...
so many things happened right after 15 June...
meeting up with friends, groups of friends,
helping sis get her laptop, running around...
was reading Paul Coelho's Witch of Portabello
and Athena said that it is the pause in music that creates rhythms
and the pause and spaces in writing that make sentences make sense.
So here I am now, trying to create this pause and space in my life,
to make some sense of it after all.
shall just focus on my thesis reflection for this post.
it all began in Sep 2008.
And it lasted till 4th May 2009.
Just when I thought all was over and I'm all ready for the Europe trip,
my thesis was extended another 6wks,
till 15 June 2009.
6 wks, as compared to what my fren has described to me,
in Germany and other countries,
people can do their Masters and extend for a couple of months,
or even a year.
This 6 wks is really nothing.
But it's definitely worthed more than anything i've gained so far.
Friendship and friends that I've always show not much concern,
or don't really know and appreciate how important it is.
And i'm truly blessed for this group of friends,
for their relentless help.
I'm on my way to writing a song
To dedicate it to them
And to let me not forget those treasured moments.
God wants me to be special
although people sees this as imperfection
for not being able to commence on the year I graduate
And then my fren said there're no commencement at all in Germany.
God wants the best for me
And can't bear to see me graduate with a half-hearted and substandard thesis
I seize this second chance
With the help of friends and tutors
I pushed myself to the limit
which I did not do so previously
I was guilty of not doing my best
for my heart was not there
And i just wanted to pass and graduate
and for my grad trip.
God wants me to wait
and continue to learn patience
and draw precious life lesson from this episode
that I can't always be a planning freak
expecting things to happen the way I want to
expecting people to behave the way I wish to
God wants me to humble myself
To call upon His name and draw strength
And to know that He is God, not me, Myself.
To lay down my pride and just learn to ask
And help will just gush in like water from a broken dam
God (probably) wants me to "pause".
For I did not join the rest in the rat race
of getting employed...
For I've discerned early this year to work part-time for the church
till early next year, then probably i'll be well rested and ready
to take on the next major phase of my life.
Work and career.
The thesis journey was sure agonizing
we probably need some kind of support group
to counsel and share problems among friends
And we did kind of unofficially did that.
I'm glad to be able to just sit and listen to friends
pour out their woes, and some even shed tears.
And i'm glad to have friends to listen to my woes too.
Grateful to have my other half being understanding
and not demanding too much attention and time for her.
Besides having stretched my design thinking and language
developed better critical thinking
and all else academic
I've suffered and yet gained a lot emotionally, spiritually
and physically.
This Masters Thesis is a culmination of rich experiences
and memories. Life-changing if I must say.
Not the sudden change, but a gradual subtle change
in my perspectives of life, behaviour and threshold for acceptance.
