finding comfort and strength...

For Jesus said, "...but anyone who loses his life for my sake, that man will save it."
It spoke to me.
I shldn't be too worried about committing too much in church.
Coz I shld be assured that God will not forsake me in my work...esp my thesis...
and I can gradually feel the outstretched hand...
if only I respond...and stop slacking and stay focus! :-D
Yes!...I will survive and not "lose my life".

a nice song that relates to single mothers

"Stranger in me"
from It's my Life musical
lyrics by Lim Yu-Beng
music by Corrinne May

I think about you and me
a part of me cries out
How could I be so near and yet so far
Instead of looking at you
I only saw my guilt
And that was all so far to where you are

Wherever love has come from
It was once upon a time
And who knew fairy tales were truly grim
Whatever came before you
It's really more a case of me and him
Whatever came before you
You're not to blame for any single thing

* I don't want to live love
In the shadow of history
Your future's not history
It's ours in the here and the now
Nine months in my womb
Doesn't make you a stranger
I'd carry the weight again
Facing the danger right now
But would I know, how.

I don't know what is coming
And I'm not much of a guide
I've never been so low as in those days
And with the millstone round my neck
With every tear I cried
Was woe to him who leads us all astray

It's so unfair how one mistake
Can make the deepest stain
And dirty water clouds the stream below
I'm never gonna make you pay
For what you could have never ever owe
I'm never gonna make you pay
The debt is mine and you should never know

(*)

Do I dare to love again, or is the curse right from the start
Do I dare to burn my hopes and dreams from the gamuts of my heart
You're not a stranger to me
I'll make sure of that
Whatever the danger to me

Make it pure, once more
Make it shine, make you mine.
Love doesn't give answers
But question are always for free.

A tumultuous feb...

thesis panic attack always began on Sunday night...
worrying about Monday...what should i do to show on Tues...
I love Sun and spending time in church...
Mondays are heartaches, heart pounding and nerve wrecking.
Tues mornings are equally bad...
kept wanting to chicken out and not see tutor
But eventually gathered courage from Him to just go ahead.
Almost quarrelled with tutor last Tues.
This Tues was much better...perhaps his mood was better.
Or maybe he's recognizing my work.
But seriously, I am damn slow.
as COMPARED to other studios...
I hate working in studios...coz the Comparisons can drive me nuts.
But yet it could spur me to work harder.

Weekends were great.
Especially with Vday in Feb.
Help to neutralize the -ve effects of my life
Had a gr8 time on Fri night @ mykii.
Sat movie "The Reader" was awesome..moving.
walked ard in Joo chiat and ate Katong laksa.
Attended sunset mass @ Holy Family.
The choir was like a school choir standard.

Feb coming to an end...
have got to work harder..
3 more months to the end of my entire 20yrs of education.

stumbled at interim crit again...

haiz...too desperate in trying to fulfill and meet the norm
and overlook the most important thing
of making a design thesis statement that's provoking
and not something benign and expected.
I guess i've to think harder
but i don't see myself as a very deep person too
it's really taking a toil on my brain cells men
why can't architecture be straight forward?
but i really wish to push myself to do something revolutionary
time, commitments, life outside thesis...
all fighting for my time and energy...
then again, it's my one and only thesis
i've really got to and want to give my best
if only i could balance so many things and still do it well
And yes, I could do it only if I depend on Him and trust in His will.
I stumbled now, and many times before,
but I know He will raise me up again.
Jesus has to bear the cross and fall three times...
what am i to compare his sufferings and misery to mine
only to be consoled that He's with me
telling me to go on...