2 weeks before leaving for Madrid, busy busy busy...the night before leaving, I had to stay in office past 12MN to clear my work. 4 weeks after coming back from Spain, busy busy all the way until last Friday, finally got a time to pen down my reflection, consolidate thoughts and flip through my spiritual journal.
1 month and 5 days since the end of World Youth Day.
BEFORE WYD - the preparation
A vivid reminder of my mission at the session by Jarvis on Evangelism
"“You will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, throughout Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 2:8
A verse that struck my heart (when I was feeling desolate then) during the Holy Hour Adoration on 7 June 2011
Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
And a verse that pop up in my head after that...
Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall inherit the earth.”
All reminding me to be humble and consoling me that it's ok to be going through periods of desolation/dryness/despair.
Went through a "mini-depression" week at work sometime in June or July, first occurence at work.
Organized the Vocation Trip for SFA Young Adults, visited a couple of religious orders.
Words by Br Nicholas struck me, "Why don't we give God a chance?"
Further sharing with Sr J and Br Nic affirmed me with the following,
“God will not shortchange us, whatever we choose, God just wants us to be happy and he wants the best for us.”
Went for Engaged Encounter with Moli in May. It was momentous.
As I shared with her my decision to "give God a chance" and my resolution to seek inner healing and to attend a vocation retreat.
And hence my hopes for WYD is one of discernment, yearning that God will speak to me or give me a sign or affirmation?
At the same time to improve my prayer life. Though I've been doing my regular morning devotions to read the daily readings and read the Word Among Us reflection, my relationship with Him doesn't feel to grow much deeper. Maybe it's too subtle?
Reflecting back, on the chain of events that has happened, prayer life and discernment come hand in hand. Good prayer life = better relationship with God = better discernment, able to listen to His still small voice better.
During the recollection, Fr Fred nailed this point down. God should be our first love. We should have a commitment to prayer. And we have to "show our love for God through words, deeds and thoughts.”
WORLD YOUTH DAY, Madrid (Spain)
Excited, tired for the 1st 2 days.
St Teresa of Avila. Felt ecstatic and inspired by the scenes of “Ecstasy of St Teresa” and the ecstatic conversation between St John of the Cross and St Teresa.
Someone said Majadahonda means “Valley of sheeps”. Doesn't that sound awesome and apt? We are sheeps living there for that one week and shepherded by this one Great Shepherd.
The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want. =)
Scripture pill from Vocation Exhibition:
“Counting on the promise of God, Abraham did not doubt or disbelieve, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, fully convinced that whatever God promised he has the power to perform.” (Rm 4:20-21)
Have faith! A form of consolation and affirmation from Him? Mucho Gratias.
Was a tad disappointed with the lack of "spiritual experience". Kept comparing to my Asian Youth Day life-changing experience. Am not the super RA-RA type anymore, although I can be one if the occasion calls for it.
Was complaining and questioning what percentage of the youths who came actually takes their faith seriously?
My judging eyes sinned again by looking at how the youths cheered and behaved.
But it's inspiring to see those who does take their faith seriously.
Like the Czechs who was behind us during the Vigil Night.
Well, can't fault me for judging, we're supposed to show our love for God through words, actions and thoughts right?
Vigil Night was memorable.
The storm… trusting Jesus to calm the storm.
Truly a pilgrammage. Encountering God through inconvenience, discomfort, frustrations and threat of safety.
Sleeping & worshipping with a million other believers. Experience of a lifetime.
Doesn’t bother me tremendously not catching Pope with my own eyes.
Faith isn’t about seeing to believe.
To be able to hear and feel Pope’s presence is good enough.
Kneeling and worshipping together at the Eucharistic Adoration just after the storm was simply amazing.
Tear glands worked a bit.
At Closing Mass, one line from the Gospel reading actually struck me.
“You are the rock and upon you shall I build the foundation of my church upon.”
I just felt touched. Not immensely shaken or convinced that He's calling me to priesthood.
I just felt/thought that it could mean otherwise. Building a family is also like building "a small church" in a way. Isn't it? =P
Anyway, I enjoyed more of the "side-line events" that took place througout WYD.
Dinner conversation at La Pampa
Conversations over meals with host family and getting to know Vidy and Dilip better. Suits the host parent, who loves guest with multi-ethnic backgrounds. hah.
Scooting off with Joachim and bumping into the Mexican group outside Love and Life Center. Went to adoration chapel. (doing things in small groups/alone/free n easy)
Above it all, I think trip like this brought out the "best"/"better" in me and also the "worst" inside of me.
Keeps me reminded of my shortcomings and areas I need to work on.
And also good points about myself which I should practise it to my loved ones too, not just in groups.
Somehow my good points often only surface in a group and also find it so hard to practice it when it's with a loved one/family member.
Sharing this little written reflection on my journal, written on 17 Aug 11:
Life's a journey of both disappointment and pleasant surprises
It's not a bed of roses.
A Christian, A cross to bear.
It’s a matter of lifting your spirits up.
Learn to love like Jesus do
Learn to practice patience
Learn to take initiative to act on something
Learn to do things beyond your comfort zone
For the betterment of others.
POST WYD,
Went on to travel to other parts of Spain with Moli for another week.
Wasn't in my best state (emotionally and mentally).
Reminder/affirmation on 28 Aug (Sun Mass's gospel reading),
“Take up your cross and follow me.”
Truly, we (I) have to think beyond "self", and give till it hurts, ‘cause real love hurts.
