Ultimate test of patience..lol.

Asked my LISS group to pray for patience thru'out the wks...esp for friends..
Ended up being put to a series of tests...AH!!...but luckily, that song came and "save" me. +)

Screaming kids on the bus
Why can't their parents control them?
Do they own the bus?
Simply intolerable...
really felt like going up and tell em off
But just closed my eyes and try to focus on my mp3 songs

Screaming kids in my class
They're just so full of energy and joy
Not frustrated by their behaviour
But more of the deafening decibels
and the losing of my own voice to make myself heard

Waiting for the bus at the interchange
Strange guy beside me singing along to his mp3 music...
Tamil songs...Indian guy...
Everybody's is in their own world?

Noise noise noise...

Saturated mind and saturated discussions in school
Dissertations...
Back at home...just wanna have peace.
But mum just wanna "nag", well...she's just doing her daily rituals
But i just can't take it for tt week...
Best solution, just keep quiet. No point retaliating.

Smoked out..!
I hate the smoke coming from the cigarettes into my room
All thanks to my neighbour living below me
Have the urge to write a letter and tell em what i've been
suffering...but told myself to try tolerating a little while longer.
Just blast my fun towards the window and get the smoke outta the way!

Fed up with my warped mind sometimes
The addiction to certain sins...
Satan happily planting his seeds in me
And sometimes i "happily" nurtured it..
It's so tough fighting...
worldly desires, self-centredness,
confusions, identity, true feelings...

Will these "scars" make me stronger for life?
Yes it will, and I trust in Him.
But the road is just tough.
So let me complain...

Song that rang in my ear and heart...

"Praise You In This Storm" - by Casting Crowns
Youtube MTV

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/castingcrowns/praiseyouinthisstorm.html

tick tock tick tock....

Must document my anguishing moments of the past two wks
before September arrives...
Working towards the 22nd Aug Final Draft submission was a tremendous feat
Never knew it could be as mind-wrecking and energy consuming as design submission
In anyway, I've made it. Thank God. Really. For sending all the guardian angels and "support groups" to help me tide through these difficult periods.

05 Aug - Cooking session at Zou Tong's place with John and Sarah. Memorable and fun. Did my initial survey compilation. Mundane but exhausting.

18 Aug - Just finished content page and sorting out materials. Trying to finish reading stuff. Stayed in library till 9.30pm with John and Sarah.

19 Aug - Organizing my thoughts in word doc. Skipped tuition as i begin to panic. Stayed in school till 10pm. Wrote abstract and about 1500 words and finished compiling the survey. Yay!
Rushed home to catch Olympics highlights.

20 Aug - Lecture lecture...continued to work on dissertation till 10.30pm. Really really desperate now. Wrote 3000words. After catching the Olympics highlight, couldn't bear myself to sleep. Continued writing and *bleagh* came another 2000words...total 5000words. Cool, can sleep liao. 3am.

21 Aug - One day before submission. Worked from morning till 5pm at home before i rushed off to give tuition. This thurs class more impt, so can't really apply leave. But...at least i'm almost 3/4 done. Came back home. Same ritual. Olympics first. Then work like mad till 3am. Don't know why, think my brain a bit saturated and overworked, only managed to spit out another 1000words. By then, still left with the last chapter and conclusion. Shucks...never mind. Still got friday morning.

22 Aug - Literally jumped out of bed at 9am, quickly get into the writing after all the morning rituals. 2pm, finally hit over 10,000words. Immediately got into the printing phase and it took long....3pm. Rushed down to the shop near my place to do binding for my prints. Aunty not in, cannot do the job. *Screams* I knew it...it's just part of this "Calvary" journey that i'm in. Never mind, took a cab, rushed down to school, went YIH to do binding. Time: 3.50pm.
10 more mins to submission deadline. In the end, handed up to tutor at 4.05pm. Only saw Sarah and a few others going about the frantic sprints to hand up our drafts. Ultimately, found out that this deadline isn't after all that crucial. Some tutors didn't even follow strictly to that. My prof said I just have to be confident that I can do it within the next few weeks, then he won't "fail" us at this stage.

So what's with all the hype and the obsession with the deadline? Nearly made me aged by 10years. Anyhow, am relieved that i've vomitted out those words. Now is just to refine, consolidate and solidify.
Need to thank my gf and the LISS members for keeping me in their prayers.
Praise and thank God. Although it was tough and nerve wrecking, it was a fruitful sprint.

Walking on tight rope...

31 Jul 2008. One day before August.
And i'm feeling like walking on a tight rope
Swaying from left and right, trying to find my balance.
Felt so insecure and vulnerable once again.
Trying to write 400o words for dissertation draft the day before
Struggling to find bind my thoughts and write coherently
10 dollars left in my wallet Bank reserves at all time low
What i eat, how i commute
All took a toil in my head to plan
and make sure i can survive with that 10bucks
Kept thinking: "Money isn't everything, but without money, is really quite a headache"
Constantly remind myself to just let go and trust in the Lord.
Well, at least i have 10 bucks and not 10cents.
Went to help out set up the City Exhibition at Vivo
Decided to catch the last bus back to Boon Lay..
not enough for cab anyway.
The bus 30 ride back was unexpectedly rewarding.
It weave through the coastal estates of the west,
the old neighbourhood estates of Jurong
Watching the industrial estate glitters in the far distance
And quite landscape passing by..
It's really quite a nice feeling.
Oh...i think it's the start of the hungry ghost festival
People lighting up candles and lined the streets
Burning incense paper that has the nostalgic smell lingering in the air
As i reached Boon Lay Interchange, I was making a decision between
taking a $8 cab back (use nets) or just walk back.
Somehow, strangely, there was an urge to make that night walk.
No regrets. It was peaceful and therapeutic.
Watching the town in shut down mode, I see the ice-cream man packing up,
empty cabs cruising around and looking for their "preys",
empty streets and roads, and i simply enjoyed jaywalking.
>(insert...gosh...am writing this @ Vivo coffebean and it's annoyingly noisy!
An uncontrollable kid just cried non-stop at the atrium...)
Anyway, continuing...
I've walked 20mins before reaching Macs to grab a hot fudge sundae.
Remaining journey home was more familiar.
Thinking back, if I haven't been that barren in the pocket,
I wouldn't have experienced all these,
which is so un-ritualistic and unconventional of my hectic life.
Reminded me of how I used to walk back from the train station
back to the hostel in Korea.
Also about a 30mins walk.
Our dearest Father in heaven,
thank you for always giving me little pleasant surprises now and then
although it does comes with some "training" and "hardships"
But it meant something
To learn to not hold on too tightly to whatever plans i have
But just to let go and let You take charge.

Loving life and loving You. ~