Simbang Gabi at SMOTA

Yesterday night.

My first ever Simbang Gabi.

Want to record my experience before I forget.

Mass starts at 8pm.

Luckily I reached early at 7pm.

Church is already almost half filled.

By 8pm, Moses, Alicia, Nimmi and Greg were nicely

seated in church already.

And was entertained by 30mins of beautiful Carols.

Of which, they sung one of my fav...Gaudete.

More beautifully, the digital pipe organ was played

to accompany some of the Carols.

The organists even played some classical variations of

hymns to stall time while waiting for the celebrant to come,

stucked in a jam.

Mass began at around 8.30pm,

church filled soulful and heartfelt singing from the

community of Pinoys.

We were the super minority who came and kaypoh.

Gospel reading was on the genealogy of Jesus.

Matthew 1:1-17.

It is considered one of the most boring passage of the gospels

if one doesn't know the meaning behind this 17 verses.

And I was lucky, having been through the T3 Matthew.

As the names of the 14 generations before Christ

was proclaimed by Fr Camilus,

upon reaching the name Joseph, the husband of Mary,

for the 1st time,

I felt a gush of tears forming in my nose and eyes.

It dawned upon me the culmination of the longing,

the significance and meaning of the wait,

and finally 2011 years ago, the Son of God was born to us,

among us, and shall always be with us.

I felt overwhelmed, grateful and empathetic.

The people of Israel waited for the Messiah,

and finally He came.

The people of our times are waiting for the second coming of Christ,

and He shall come, at the hour which none will know.

But our role is to be ever ready to receive His glorious return.

And more emotional was when Fr Camilus stressed the importance

of remembering our past. Using our past hurts and failures as strength and comfort to help us get through our current difficulties and trials. 'Coz we've overcame in the past, and Christ is always with us to see us through all these.

It was an overall emotional & beautiful eucharistic celebration.

Truly, I thank You Lord.

And I thank You for your forgiveness and grace.

One more week to Christmas.

And I'll try my best to continue to make the little difference,

and reach out to my community at home, work, church and on the streets.

Sing You Home

A beautifully written novel

Half-fictional

Supposedly adopted from a real life story

Totally love the way Jodi Picoult unravels the plot

Interweaving Christian values with controversial social issues

IVF, homosexuality (lesbian)

Faithfulness, human weakness

Truth and real love.

And music!....how music plays an important role in healing...

which I can totally identify...

"...I sit down at my digital keyboard and I start playing.

I let the music bind me like a bandage.

I sew myself together note by note."

Got me so hooked that I completed the book in <3weeks?

Quite record-breaking to finish such a thick book in the midst of my busyness.

It's as good as me getting hooked on Korean drama last time.

What's next in line?

- "Muhammad" (bought at Qatar Airport)

- "A diamond in the desert" (bought at Qatar Airport)

- "To Save a Thousand Soul" - Fr Brett Brennan

and oops..

bought a book by Scott Hann on Amazon.com.

well well..shall see which is the lucky book I shall pick to read.

my loot from Vocation Retreat

Felt like an auntie with so many stuffs given/taken

at the camp. All F.O.C.

overdue World Youth Day reflection

(copy and paste from Faceboook)

just in case one day Facebook decided to close down.

2 weeks before leaving for Madrid, busy busy busy...the night before leaving, I had to stay in office past 12MN to clear my work. 4 weeks after coming back from Spain, busy busy all the way until last Friday, finally got a time to pen down my reflection, consolidate thoughts and flip through my spiritual journal.

1 month and 5 days since the end of World Youth Day.

BEFORE WYD - the preparation

A vivid reminder of my mission at the session by Jarvis on Evangelism

"“You will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, throughout Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 2:8

A verse that struck my heart (when I was feeling desolate then) during the Holy Hour Adoration on 7 June 2011

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

And a verse that pop up in my head after that...

Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall inherit the earth.”

All reminding me to be humble and consoling me that it's ok to be going through periods of desolation/dryness/despair.

Went through a "mini-depression" week at work sometime in June or July, first occurence at work.

Organized the Vocation Trip for SFA Young Adults, visited a couple of religious orders.

Words by Br Nicholas struck me, "Why don't we give God a chance?"

Further sharing with Sr J and Br Nic affirmed me with the following,

“God will not shortchange us, whatever we choose, God just wants us to be happy and he wants the best for us.”

Went for Engaged Encounter with Moli in May. It was momentous.

As I shared with her my decision to "give God a chance" and my resolution to seek inner healing and to attend a vocation retreat.

And hence my hopes for WYD is one of discernment, yearning that God will speak to me or give me a sign or affirmation?

At the same time to improve my prayer life. Though I've been doing my regular morning devotions to read the daily readings and read the Word Among Us reflection, my relationship with Him doesn't feel to grow much deeper. Maybe it's too subtle?

Reflecting back, on the chain of events that has happened, prayer life and discernment come hand in hand. Good prayer life = better relationship with God = better discernment, able to listen to His still small voice better.

During the recollection, Fr Fred nailed this point down. God should be our first love. We should have a commitment to prayer. And we have to "show our love for God through words, deeds and thoughts.”

WORLD YOUTH DAY, Madrid (Spain)

Excited, tired for the 1st 2 days.

St Teresa of Avila. Felt ecstatic and inspired by the scenes of “Ecstasy of St Teresa” and the ecstatic conversation between St John of the Cross and St Teresa.

Someone said Majadahonda means “Valley of sheeps”. Doesn't that sound awesome and apt? We are sheeps living there for that one week and shepherded by this one Great Shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want. =)

Scripture pill from Vocation Exhibition:

“Counting on the promise of God, Abraham did not doubt or disbelieve, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, fully convinced that whatever God promised he has the power to perform.” (Rm 4:20-21)

Have faith! A form of consolation and affirmation from Him? Mucho Gratias.

Was a tad disappointed with the lack of "spiritual experience". Kept comparing to my Asian Youth Day life-changing experience. Am not the super RA-RA type anymore, although I can be one if the occasion calls for it.

Was complaining and questioning what percentage of the youths who came actually takes their faith seriously?

My judging eyes sinned again by looking at how the youths cheered and behaved.

But it's inspiring to see those who does take their faith seriously.

Like the Czechs who was behind us during the Vigil Night.

Well, can't fault me for judging, we're supposed to show our love for God through words, actions and thoughts right?

Vigil Night was memorable.

The storm… trusting Jesus to calm the storm.

Truly a pilgrammage. Encountering God through inconvenience, discomfort, frustrations and threat of safety.

Sleeping & worshipping with a million other believers. Experience of a lifetime.

Doesn’t bother me tremendously not catching Pope with my own eyes.

Faith isn’t about seeing to believe.

To be able to hear and feel Pope’s presence is good enough.

Kneeling and worshipping together at the Eucharistic Adoration just after the storm was simply amazing.

Tear glands worked a bit.

At Closing Mass, one line from the Gospel reading actually struck me.

“You are the rock and upon you shall I build the foundation of my church upon.”

I just felt touched. Not immensely shaken or convinced that He's calling me to priesthood.

I just felt/thought that it could mean otherwise. Building a family is also like building "a small church" in a way. Isn't it? =P

Anyway, I enjoyed more of the "side-line events" that took place througout WYD.

Dinner conversation at La Pampa

Conversations over meals with host family and getting to know Vidy and Dilip better. Suits the host parent, who loves guest with multi-ethnic backgrounds. hah.

Scooting off with Joachim and bumping into the Mexican group outside Love and Life Center. Went to adoration chapel. (doing things in small groups/alone/free n easy)

Above it all, I think trip like this brought out the "best"/"better" in me and also the "worst" inside of me.

Keeps me reminded of my shortcomings and areas I need to work on.

And also good points about myself which I should practise it to my loved ones too, not just in groups.

Somehow my good points often only surface in a group and also find it so hard to practice it when it's with a loved one/family member.

Sharing this little written reflection on my journal, written on 17 Aug 11:

Life's a journey of both disappointment and pleasant surprises

It's not a bed of roses.

A Christian, A cross to bear.

It’s a matter of lifting your spirits up.

Learn to love like Jesus do

Learn to practice patience

Learn to take initiative to act on something

Learn to do things beyond your comfort zone

For the betterment of others.

POST WYD,

Went on to travel to other parts of Spain with Moli for another week.

Wasn't in my best state (emotionally and mentally).

Reminder/affirmation on 28 Aug (Sun Mass's gospel reading),

“Take up your cross and follow me.”

Truly, we (I) have to think beyond "self", and give till it hurts, ‘cause real love hurts.

the baby has finally arrived...

in God's time...

Thank you, God.

Never dreamt that one day I can really play songs I like without a full score.

If not for this gift, I wouldn't have thought of investing in this one big treasure.

May this accompany me for at least another good 5 years.

I want to thank my retired Casio keyboard, which has faithfully served me since around year 2000. Can't remember clearly. But I think at least 10 years.

And the "low G" key has never functioned well.

But I lived with it.

It is with this keyboard which I learnt Canon in D.

It is with this that I practised hard on my chords and improvisation.

It is with this that I composed my first song and the subsequent 3 other songs.

Oh my oh my...getting emotional now...

A good 10 years!...it has been through the high and lows of my life..

where I seek my music therapy late in the night when I'm stressed.

No sustain pedal, no touch sensitive keys, no realistic piano sound.

But simplicity does the magic too.

And the music is truly in the heart. Not solely on the sound you hear.

Welcome Korg SP250.

I'll slowly get to know you more and more.

yet to develop any feelings/relationship with you yet.

But you simply look gorgeous, feel sensational, and sound attractive.

Goodbye Casio TK-100.

I'm sure when I pass this on to my cousins in Melaka,

you will continue to serve them well,

and inspire them to pick up music.

A truly heartfelt thank you for journeying with me thus far.

extensive spring cleaning

had a rare chance of having a free Saturday to myself.

dunno wat's up my mind, instead of resting and lazing around,

i had the urge to spring clean my room.

And it took an unexpected 6.5hours from 11am to 5.30pm.

It wasn't an easy affair.

Learnt a lot in this 6.5hours.

A lot of decisions made to dispose things that i've kept so long.

Discerned their usefulness and relevance.

Weighed its sentimental value.

Many a times, have to stand back and take a birds' eye view.

When I knew that if I really want to create more space,

or to make the spring cleaning worthwhile,

I've got to let things go.

And to my surprise, I don't know how my little room and store so much things!

I've to make a total of 4 trips down to the ground floor to dispose my stuff.

Besides disposing, there's also the re-arranging

and trying to make more sense to the location of stuff,

and minimising dust collection.

Some stuff went into the store room,

which hopefully my mum won't complain tt's i'm taking up the space. hah.

The physical room felt more spacious and cleaner now.

And it does affect my being too.

Spring cleaning is very much like retreats and our life.

Review what you have/had done, and "remove" what you don't need

or shouldn't have kept (inside you).

I've got to clear some of the "old" and welcome the "new".

Now hoping to get a couple of bookshelves to store things in a neater way

and to hopefully get my long awaited digital piano.

Will make the room feel brand new. =D

a post for May before it ends..

Happy Belated Birthday to me!

28 yrs have passed. And I think I've been very blessed, beyond my imagination.

5months have almost passed in 2011 and that's....scary!

So many things yet to do and accomplish,

but better late than never.

Have been a fruitful and meaningful month for me especially last week.

Opened my minds/hearts/eyes to new things for both Moli and myself.

By talking things out, meeting/hearing/seeing people/things help us to

look into ourselves and see what needs to be done.

Now the only challenge is "time"...whether I'm able to do the things

I set out to do, to search and to listen in the "timeframe" that i've given myself.

Shall pray and have faith.

"You'll find more peace in a vocation if you have a confident sense that you sincerely explored both primary vocations and finally chose the one that you feel called to." - Brian Butler