Journeying with the youths...

Initially thought of as an easy-peasy task...
I mean, how hard can facilitating be?
But I was proven wrong.
Assigned to a group with pretty closed-up and quiet 15-yr-olds,
I was given a immense challenge to melt those ice-bergs
and make them speak to me.
(Context: Sec 3 catechism class - T3 Bible Timeline sessions)

Then there's the RCIY.
Excited and hopeful, to journey with the youths.
But then end up feeling apprehensive.
Perhaps giving myself too much unfound pressure and expectations.
Ought to let go.

So...I've decided to offer up special prayer intentions for these 2 group of youths.
Prayed the rosary, went for adoration in church and fasted (not the food type) for 1 week.
Learning to trust and depend on Him.
And ta-dah!...He answered my prayers!
And of course I also told myself to make an effort to prepare my facilitation well.
Today, my group just left me dumbfounded/speechless for a few moments.
They are really something......springs of living water waited to be tapped and to irrigate the dry lands.

Just wanna pen down 2 memorable replies to one of the questions I've posted to them:-
Q. If you get to meet Jesus face to face today/right now, what would you ask him?

One goes...
I'll ask Him..."how did you manage to pull through the '14 stations of the cross' on the way to Calvary?"

and another one goes...
"Am I doing enough (as a Christian)?"

....
...
wow....

I shall continue to fast and pray for them.
I last session with them this coming Sunday.
Hope it will leave further impressions on them.
I think I'm benefitting more from them, then them from me.

It's April...

Same old saying,

"Time flies".

Overdue Lent/Easter reflection

Overdue retreat sharing/postings

Proscrastination and Distractions

Feels a bit out of control

especially with recent chain of events

of joy and of sorrows

of laughter and of tears

with fleeting hearts at moments

and down with heartaches other times

Roller coaster ride indeed

with Jesus sitting by my side

I scream

I laugh

I cry

I lament

I give praise

I thank you

I want to embrace you

and seek refuge

Can I be in my cave?

Or must I be "dead" so that you can call out,

"Lazarus, come out of your cave!"

Why me?

Why not?

Must I?

It's your choice.

Can I not choose?

But that's the gift from God.

I can't wait to get to the end of this ride.

Will Patience do the trick?

Head spins

Mind entangles

Heart wrenches

Not again.

Taking a deep breath

the breath of life which God gives

reminding me of who I am again

A child of God

Who is being loved by Him

even when the world does not understand

Forgive me Lord

For I knew not what I'm doing

And you have redeemed me by your flesh and blood

I need to break through

I need to see beyond my suffering

So many hearts out there hungering for You

And we are your instrument.

Focused mind

Peace in the heart

Love through my words and actions

Uphill tasks

only made possible through prayers

and it shall be...

Hello 2012!

Grateful to have this chance to park myself in front of my laptop to do this entry.

So...what's my report card for 2011?

Managed to dig out my journal...

"Checked":

- Choice Retreat made a considerable turning point for me and hence allowed me to communicate better and show more patience and love to my parents, and beloved, M.

- Supposed to go personal retreat but ended up at Vocation Retreat. It was not in my plans, but still it was a great retreat which opened my heart to many things.

- Successfully stepped back from music ministry and also trained potential musician. So glad that Beatrice is now on her own and able to provide the necessary musical support.

- Finished up my Europe photo album. But now I've got one more to go, the WYD/Spain album.

- Yeah, went WYD and travelled Spain.

- Attended EE with Moli

- Bought my long awaited baby - Korg digital piano

- Also got myself a great 2nd hand compact camera, Lumix LX-5

- invested in a couple of good shoes

the "unchecked":

- Family trip to S.korea postponed again. Nvm, 2012 it's gg to happen!

- Failed to learn how to make rice dumplings from mum. Try again this May?

- Exercise once a week - only fulfilled for the past 1 month while training for my ippt.

- To journal at least once a week. Haiz...I think I only journal during retreat and adoration.

Still, I think I'm blessed with so many things despite some of the "loss" and suffering that I went through in 2011. It's been a great year of learning, humility, discernment, spiritual milestones, steep learning curve at work along with increment monetary reward. And having just passed the IPPT awhile ago, I'm thankful that God blessed me with a healthy and fit body.

Picked out a heartening quote from one of my 2011 blog:

"You will find more peace in a vocation if you have a confident sense that you sincerely explored both primary vocations and finally chose the one that you feel called to." - Brian Butler

So for 2012...

here's my "bucketlist" (you never know when God will call...)

- Exercise weekly!

- Looking forward to a transforming and healing experience at my personal retreat in Chiang Mai in March

- To realize my handover plans in the Young Adult Ministry

- To be able to work out my plans to form a one-off catechism children's choir to sing for 1st Holy Communion Mass and a one-off catechism youth choir to sing for Confirmation Mass. Challenging but kind of excites me.

- If the time is right, shall attend CER.

- Looking forward to a memorable family trip to S.Korea in April/May...Spring!

- At work, to pray for yet another exciting and interesting project after my JCube is completed. (hopefully not as taxing)

- Good-to-have trips...go Tibet with Justin and Ivan.

- Finally, to take that leap of faith to make that Life's Decision.

Side track...

Hymns that I wish to be sung at my funeral Mass:

- How Great Thou Art

- Song of Farewell by Ernest Sands

- Ave Verum Corpus by Mozart

- Prayer of St Francis

- You Are Mine

- Psalm 27 - The Lord is my light and salvation

Simbang Gabi at SMOTA

Yesterday night.

My first ever Simbang Gabi.

Want to record my experience before I forget.

Mass starts at 8pm.

Luckily I reached early at 7pm.

Church is already almost half filled.

By 8pm, Moses, Alicia, Nimmi and Greg were nicely

seated in church already.

And was entertained by 30mins of beautiful Carols.

Of which, they sung one of my fav...Gaudete.

More beautifully, the digital pipe organ was played

to accompany some of the Carols.

The organists even played some classical variations of

hymns to stall time while waiting for the celebrant to come,

stucked in a jam.

Mass began at around 8.30pm,

church filled soulful and heartfelt singing from the

community of Pinoys.

We were the super minority who came and kaypoh.

Gospel reading was on the genealogy of Jesus.

Matthew 1:1-17.

It is considered one of the most boring passage of the gospels

if one doesn't know the meaning behind this 17 verses.

And I was lucky, having been through the T3 Matthew.

As the names of the 14 generations before Christ

was proclaimed by Fr Camilus,

upon reaching the name Joseph, the husband of Mary,

for the 1st time,

I felt a gush of tears forming in my nose and eyes.

It dawned upon me the culmination of the longing,

the significance and meaning of the wait,

and finally 2011 years ago, the Son of God was born to us,

among us, and shall always be with us.

I felt overwhelmed, grateful and empathetic.

The people of Israel waited for the Messiah,

and finally He came.

The people of our times are waiting for the second coming of Christ,

and He shall come, at the hour which none will know.

But our role is to be ever ready to receive His glorious return.

And more emotional was when Fr Camilus stressed the importance

of remembering our past. Using our past hurts and failures as strength and comfort to help us get through our current difficulties and trials. 'Coz we've overcame in the past, and Christ is always with us to see us through all these.

It was an overall emotional & beautiful eucharistic celebration.

Truly, I thank You Lord.

And I thank You for your forgiveness and grace.

One more week to Christmas.

And I'll try my best to continue to make the little difference,

and reach out to my community at home, work, church and on the streets.

Sing You Home

A beautifully written novel

Half-fictional

Supposedly adopted from a real life story

Totally love the way Jodi Picoult unravels the plot

Interweaving Christian values with controversial social issues

IVF, homosexuality (lesbian)

Faithfulness, human weakness

Truth and real love.

And music!....how music plays an important role in healing...

which I can totally identify...

"...I sit down at my digital keyboard and I start playing.

I let the music bind me like a bandage.

I sew myself together note by note."

Got me so hooked that I completed the book in <3weeks?

Quite record-breaking to finish such a thick book in the midst of my busyness.

It's as good as me getting hooked on Korean drama last time.

What's next in line?

- "Muhammad" (bought at Qatar Airport)

- "A diamond in the desert" (bought at Qatar Airport)

- "To Save a Thousand Soul" - Fr Brett Brennan

and oops..

bought a book by Scott Hann on Amazon.com.

well well..shall see which is the lucky book I shall pick to read.

my loot from Vocation Retreat

Felt like an auntie with so many stuffs given/taken

at the camp. All F.O.C.

overdue World Youth Day reflection

(copy and paste from Faceboook)

just in case one day Facebook decided to close down.

2 weeks before leaving for Madrid, busy busy busy...the night before leaving, I had to stay in office past 12MN to clear my work. 4 weeks after coming back from Spain, busy busy all the way until last Friday, finally got a time to pen down my reflection, consolidate thoughts and flip through my spiritual journal.

1 month and 5 days since the end of World Youth Day.

BEFORE WYD - the preparation

A vivid reminder of my mission at the session by Jarvis on Evangelism

"“You will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, throughout Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 2:8

A verse that struck my heart (when I was feeling desolate then) during the Holy Hour Adoration on 7 June 2011

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

And a verse that pop up in my head after that...

Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall inherit the earth.”

All reminding me to be humble and consoling me that it's ok to be going through periods of desolation/dryness/despair.

Went through a "mini-depression" week at work sometime in June or July, first occurence at work.

Organized the Vocation Trip for SFA Young Adults, visited a couple of religious orders.

Words by Br Nicholas struck me, "Why don't we give God a chance?"

Further sharing with Sr J and Br Nic affirmed me with the following,

“God will not shortchange us, whatever we choose, God just wants us to be happy and he wants the best for us.”

Went for Engaged Encounter with Moli in May. It was momentous.

As I shared with her my decision to "give God a chance" and my resolution to seek inner healing and to attend a vocation retreat.

And hence my hopes for WYD is one of discernment, yearning that God will speak to me or give me a sign or affirmation?

At the same time to improve my prayer life. Though I've been doing my regular morning devotions to read the daily readings and read the Word Among Us reflection, my relationship with Him doesn't feel to grow much deeper. Maybe it's too subtle?

Reflecting back, on the chain of events that has happened, prayer life and discernment come hand in hand. Good prayer life = better relationship with God = better discernment, able to listen to His still small voice better.

During the recollection, Fr Fred nailed this point down. God should be our first love. We should have a commitment to prayer. And we have to "show our love for God through words, deeds and thoughts.”

WORLD YOUTH DAY, Madrid (Spain)

Excited, tired for the 1st 2 days.

St Teresa of Avila. Felt ecstatic and inspired by the scenes of “Ecstasy of St Teresa” and the ecstatic conversation between St John of the Cross and St Teresa.

Someone said Majadahonda means “Valley of sheeps”. Doesn't that sound awesome and apt? We are sheeps living there for that one week and shepherded by this one Great Shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want. =)

Scripture pill from Vocation Exhibition:

“Counting on the promise of God, Abraham did not doubt or disbelieve, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, fully convinced that whatever God promised he has the power to perform.” (Rm 4:20-21)

Have faith! A form of consolation and affirmation from Him? Mucho Gratias.

Was a tad disappointed with the lack of "spiritual experience". Kept comparing to my Asian Youth Day life-changing experience. Am not the super RA-RA type anymore, although I can be one if the occasion calls for it.

Was complaining and questioning what percentage of the youths who came actually takes their faith seriously?

My judging eyes sinned again by looking at how the youths cheered and behaved.

But it's inspiring to see those who does take their faith seriously.

Like the Czechs who was behind us during the Vigil Night.

Well, can't fault me for judging, we're supposed to show our love for God through words, actions and thoughts right?

Vigil Night was memorable.

The storm… trusting Jesus to calm the storm.

Truly a pilgrammage. Encountering God through inconvenience, discomfort, frustrations and threat of safety.

Sleeping & worshipping with a million other believers. Experience of a lifetime.

Doesn’t bother me tremendously not catching Pope with my own eyes.

Faith isn’t about seeing to believe.

To be able to hear and feel Pope’s presence is good enough.

Kneeling and worshipping together at the Eucharistic Adoration just after the storm was simply amazing.

Tear glands worked a bit.

At Closing Mass, one line from the Gospel reading actually struck me.

“You are the rock and upon you shall I build the foundation of my church upon.”

I just felt touched. Not immensely shaken or convinced that He's calling me to priesthood.

I just felt/thought that it could mean otherwise. Building a family is also like building "a small church" in a way. Isn't it? =P

Anyway, I enjoyed more of the "side-line events" that took place througout WYD.

Dinner conversation at La Pampa

Conversations over meals with host family and getting to know Vidy and Dilip better. Suits the host parent, who loves guest with multi-ethnic backgrounds. hah.

Scooting off with Joachim and bumping into the Mexican group outside Love and Life Center. Went to adoration chapel. (doing things in small groups/alone/free n easy)

Above it all, I think trip like this brought out the "best"/"better" in me and also the "worst" inside of me.

Keeps me reminded of my shortcomings and areas I need to work on.

And also good points about myself which I should practise it to my loved ones too, not just in groups.

Somehow my good points often only surface in a group and also find it so hard to practice it when it's with a loved one/family member.

Sharing this little written reflection on my journal, written on 17 Aug 11:

Life's a journey of both disappointment and pleasant surprises

It's not a bed of roses.

A Christian, A cross to bear.

It’s a matter of lifting your spirits up.

Learn to love like Jesus do

Learn to practice patience

Learn to take initiative to act on something

Learn to do things beyond your comfort zone

For the betterment of others.

POST WYD,

Went on to travel to other parts of Spain with Moli for another week.

Wasn't in my best state (emotionally and mentally).

Reminder/affirmation on 28 Aug (Sun Mass's gospel reading),

“Take up your cross and follow me.”

Truly, we (I) have to think beyond "self", and give till it hurts, ‘cause real love hurts.