a post for May before it ends..

Happy Belated Birthday to me!

28 yrs have passed. And I think I've been very blessed, beyond my imagination.

5months have almost passed in 2011 and that's....scary!

So many things yet to do and accomplish,

but better late than never.

Have been a fruitful and meaningful month for me especially last week.

Opened my minds/hearts/eyes to new things for both Moli and myself.

By talking things out, meeting/hearing/seeing people/things help us to

look into ourselves and see what needs to be done.

Now the only challenge is "time"...whether I'm able to do the things

I set out to do, to search and to listen in the "timeframe" that i've given myself.

Shall pray and have faith.

"You'll find more peace in a vocation if you have a confident sense that you sincerely explored both primary vocations and finally chose the one that you feel called to." - Brian Butler

Easter Triduum Reflection

40 days in the "desert"...

Abstained from beef, crab and high cholesterol food such as laksa.

Have been successful with the first two but failed for the last.

Abstained from several temptations...I would say at least 60% successful.

Felt much better in self-control now.

Began my morning devotion at work...really liked it.

And even bought a new handy bible to accompany the WAU reflections.

Scripture reading and reflection can really do wonders.

Shall try to continue to keep this routine.

Passed my ippt during this period after some arduous training.

Had to wake up early to go for an early run.

Again, morning runs seemed to have some magical feel to it.

Shall try to keep this up - at least once a week.

Holy Thursday

Reached work before 8am.

Got myself quickly settled down and began the scriptural readings.

It was on Jesus washing the disciples feet. For some strange reasons, the WAU reflection penetrated my heart and I uncontrollably teared. (in office!!unimaginable..luckily no one around yet)

"..rather than spend these final few hours focusing on his own life, he went out of his way to show his disciples how deeply he loved them...words can be forgotten all too easily. So he chose a prophetic gesture that would make a deep impression on them...an act that would be forever etched in the disciples' memories as proof of his love..."

Indeed, again..Holy Thurs and Good Fri are not solely on weeping for the suffering of Jesus or our own sins...it's really a poignant reminder of how much God loved us. The love that no one can give.

5.45pm. Dashed out of office.

Reached Good Shepherd Cathedral to attend the Mass. Church filling up very fast. Managed to secure a good seat. The cathedral choir sang for the Mass! While they rehearse the hymns as I pray and prepare myself, I was again touched and felt the love that he has showered upon me all these while. Was choked with impending tears while singing the entrance hymn...Glory in the Cross.

7.50pm. Mass ended. Rushed to Tanglin Club for my office team dinner. Boss's treat to reward our team's architects hard work so far and also farewell to 2 colleagues. One going to study for one year, one moving on to another firm. A very filling, fine-dining style 3 course meal. Light-hearted meal with much laughter.

10.30pm. Waited 20mins & couldn't called a cab. Took bus to CCK and cabbed to SFA. 11.30pm. Reached SFA. The final prayer group just ended. Great. Alas there would be silence for the last 30mins in front of the Altar of Repose. Just want to spend some time with him.

12MN. Went for "last supper" with some of my Young Adults at Macs. Fellowship.

2AM. Slept.

(my gosh...why am I writing all these details down?...oh well...who cares, I just wanna document down this moments...in case one day I got dementia or something. lol)

Good Friday

Tried to clear some church work in the morning...

Decided to attend 3pm service at SMOTA. Dropped parents off at SFA first.

Then rushed to SMOTA...my gosh...so packed that me and my sis have to sit outside under a tentage! Was hot initally, then as "prophesised", it rained halfway through the service.

Good thing is I get to go back for a nap first.

8pm to 11pm. Rehearsal in church for Easter Vigil.

Home sweet home. Today not too emotional.

Holy Saturday

Dragged myself outta bed and went to take part in the Cenacle Sisters morning prayer at the chapel. It was a good...with chanting of the lamentations. Nimmi and Lilian were there too. Yay. Then managed to go for a quick swim and getting a good dose of vitamin D which I'm quite deprived of.

Then subsequently, from 3pm onwards...it's music music all the way till Vigil.

This time our choir reached another milestone again to push our musicality to another level.

And the double bass!!...simply made our day.

Easter Sunday

The Easter Sequence..something which I always practised very hard for.

Prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide my singing...and yes..His guiding hand (or voice) was with me as I proclaimed and sing the Sequence.

Our music and singing were much appreciated and affirmed by many.

It was good to bring them this much joy.

Happy feasting and fellowshipping over sumptuous dim sum lunch at Pioneer Wharf Restnt.

Eventful 4 days which totally spin me out of my "working mode"...

now have to spin myself back. Seems like a lot of "doing" then being more reflective and meditative...but still...I shall rmb the Easter message and all that i've learnt and gained over the 40 days to bring it to work and practise them!

Have I risen to New Life with Him?

Shall write back in a few weeks time.

Blessed Easter.

better...

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for your amazing healing powers.

I felt so much better today, with the help of a short devotion at my work desk this morning.

Was able to maintain my cool, felt more at peace with my counterpart.

Perhaps today's work not as demanding/taxing.

Still, thank you.

I continue to pray to maintain and better this condition.

Perhaps my friends are praying for me as well. =)

Good night.

Yours,

Mike.

PS: Thank you St Michael toO!

why is it so hard?...

Dear Jesus,

I'm so frustrated and disheartened...

I just want to quickly let if off somewhere and thought of writing here...

it's been almost a week since i write to you on my diary.

Just when I thought my lenten resolution has been going well so far,

at least up till this evening.

Been able to reach work earlier and do a short devotion before the start of the hustle & bustle.

Enjoyed praying for friends on the intention list I have.

As I prayed those intentions, it helps remind me of what I need to do as well.

Patience...alongside with love.

Very challenging.

And the snapping point just came this evening so sudden,

that I couldn't handle it in time.

And I fell.

Quick and hard.

Swallowed up by angst and resentment.

Mind and soul in turmoil and un-peace.

Came back and straight away head out to run,

in order to stick to my training plan to pass IPPT.

Managed to clear my head a bit while running.

But doesn't seemed to solve everything.

I felt defeated and I just gave in to temptations.

Tried so hard to image Christ and draw close to Him,

and one slip, I lose grip of His hands again.

I know I will and should pick myself up again,

and by His grace, I'll move on and overcome another hurdle that awaits me again...

I know I'll hit another wall again, or trip.

The holier I want to be, the more the evil will want to deal with me.

St Michael, my patron saint, please give me a stronger armour.

And yes, why am i so frustrated?

I just feel injustice when someone is making things difficult for other people,

trying to solve problems or make things perfect at the expense of other people's welfare.

I feel the agony and suffering of slaves in Egypt 2000 years ago.

It's totally not a good feeling to be slave-driven.

And I feel sad for the person who is also slave-driving himself.

We work hard to the best of our ability, but not over-work and compromise your family life, your health and others' life too.

I can't reconcile with all these.

Jesus, please guide me in my thoughts and enlighten me.

thank you for hearing me out.

I love you and I miss you.

Yearning for your comforting touch and embrace once again.

Yours,

Mike.

thought of the night...

shortcoming is dissimilar to bad habit...

"In my imagination"...

"In my imagination I see a just world,
Everyone lives in peace and in honesty there.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the clouds that fly,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.

In my imagination I see a bright world,
Even the night is less dark there.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like clouds that fly.

In my imagination there exists a warm wind,
That breathes on the cities, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like clouds that fly,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul."

- Nella Fantasia / "In my imagination"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UjFnL8Fphs&feature=related

Happy 2011! Here I come.

Spent a good few hours with Moli sitting at SMU public benches to have a good review of the year 2010, checked our new year resolutions for 2010. Not too bad, at least more than 50% accomplished. Then of course charted out the resolutions for 2011. This year got pretty more structured (influenced by work), but I guess it's clearer and more practical. Instead of writing one whole long list of random things I wish to do/get/have.

Attended Thanksgiving Mass at Divine Mercy Church. First time there. =D
Not very impressed by the architecture and acoustics.
Only impressed by the rather friendly and welcoming community.
It's really quite a waste when churches are not designed properly.
just googled, architect is Philip Lee from Strategic Design International.
Found out that the original design had more arches and supposed to look more church-like.
I guess eventually because of budget or whatever, became boxes and rectangles in the end.

Well anyway, ended the night at Summer Breeze Cafe at Pasir Ris Beach.
Happening countdown and clubbing music played all night long.
Couldn't tahan the "noise". Went to sit at the breakwaters and waited for 12MN.
A special and first ever countdown at a beach.

Next year, I have decided.
Have a nice cooked meal at home.
Have a drink. Watch TV countdown show.
Stock up on poppers and sparklers.
Invite some close friends over.
And that's it.
No need to beat the traffic jams, jostling crowd, loud music, hang-over the next morning or what-nots.

God, thank you for everything in 2010.
For good times and in bad times, you were there for me.
For 2011, Holy Spirit take over. Let your will be done.

picked up a nice quote from Corrinne May's song a few days back...
never really hear & catch this part after listening to her songs so many times.
"Just stay on track,
'cause every cross can be a blessing
for the gifts that you've been given
close your eyes and listen
to who you're meant to be."