Remembering Lee Kuan Yew

23rd to 29th March 2015 (Mon to Sun)
A week that all Singaporeans will not forget. 
So much have been documented, shared, aired, written and spoken in that one week about our dearest founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew since his passing on 23rd morning. 
Intense emotions
Unexpected outpouring of tributes and condolences
The nation paused. 
We cast aside our work, stature and differences and we come together to pray, to reflect and to share in our solidarity and love of our nation.
We left ourselves dumbfounded by the queues that never stopped since day 1 all the way to day 6, round the clock, to pay our last respects to this very special man of Singapore. 

Here's archiving my thoughts and reflections for that week, culminating on the last day of the State Funeral. Cried buckets with my wife in front of the TV, and so did the sky. 

On demise
Sadly, more often than not, famous/great/talented people somehow only get celebrated, appreciated and remembered only after their passing from this world. Indeed, our life here on this world is limited and we have only this one chance to live our life to the fullest and live a legacy of our own behind, and this legacy could last longer than our lifespan. 

Grateful still that fellow Singaporeans, young & old, get to learn and appreciate what this man had done for us. I'm sure he has inspired us in some ways after this episode. 
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On the nation
This sentence kept repeating over the week - He gave his whole life for Singapore. His thoughts is always on the nation, he's so much in love with the nation, not so much for himself but for the people. 

What does this remind me of? Jesus, who came into the world for us and died for us. LKY's dedication, sacrifice, foresightedness and great visions are unsurpassable thus far by any Singaporean leader. It's truly a blessing from God like many have shared, that LKY was born to Singapore and eventually led the country from Third to the First, in just a few decades. 

We have topped ourselves in the list of the most unhappy nation / people and over the years people (including myself) have lamented on the escalating cost of living, stress and too rapid a pace of development.But deep down inside, we are still grateful and we ought to be. The week of national mourning brought the country together and the sight of the queues, volunteers, heartfelt driven actions actually gave me the boost of confidence that in times of trouble, Singaporeans will come and stand together. And I'm certain that from this testimony, our national defence will be able to stand the test of any adversaries.

On leadership
Honesty, integrity, commitment, clean government. Lead by example. Team player. And the list goes on. Many shared about how frugal LKY was and it was really a strong reminder for me (and I hope for many others as well) to think twice before I spend. 

LKY also believes that if you set your mind to do something, do it well and good, if not, don't do it at all. Sometimes when we slipped into a mode of idleness / restlessness at work or at home, this is what we need. If we don't labour, and don't work (hard) on it, we'll bear no fruits. If we don't carry our own crosses, we won't be able to reach Calvary. 

Quality and Performance. A meritocratic society. Not through connections and ties （关系）but through your capability and talents, that's where you will be rewarded. Debatable by many but I can't think of any better way to lead a nation in this way, no doubts along the way we criticise about the obsession of this "merits" in grades, and always wanting to give a grade, number or ranking. Sometimes we just need to understand the main message - to do our best and be good at what we are doing, and excel. Perhaps it's due to the fear of a lack of motivation, hence all these incentives, ranking, grading, needs to come into the picture, giving undue stress and competition for many.    

Continuity and mentorship. We can see this lacking and needed in many areas such as in office, in church etc. And mentorship is really about giving advice but leave decision making out. It's about grooming and passing down of knowledge, experience and wisdom. So we don't complain why the younger generations these days don't know this & that, why they like that, have we asked ourselves if we have nurture and mentor them the way we should have?  

On family
A strong leader and yet a family man who treasures quality time with children, grandchildren and his beloved wife over a simple hearty heartland-ish dinner. He's afterall still a human, like anyone of us. He is a role model for me for his dedication to his wife and family despite his commitment and responsibilities. 

He believed that his children shouldn't have any special treatment and privileges and choose not to spoil them, and to stay grounded. I guess that's what many of those kids born with a silver spoon in their mouth ought to learn, thinking that the country or other people owe them something.  

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Truly hope that fellow Singaporeans living in this hustling and bustling place will make that chance like this once in a while to pause, take stock, reflect, count our blessings and be joyful. Life is tough, and sometimes a struggle and a pain for some who don't even have a chance like me to sit back and write a blog post. That's where we are called to share and spread our joy to those who need it. 

Holy Thursday yesterday, Jesus washes his disciples feet. A call to serve and to love.  

And here's dedicating this one song that tugged my heart in this episode of my life. Relook at the lyrics. Meaningful and inspiring. We'll do you proud Mr Lee. 
One People, One Nation, One Singapore. 
Live singing at Parliament House during the Lying in State by Rani Singam and Jeremy Monteiro   

We've built a nation with our hands
The toil of people from a dozen lands
Strangers when we first began, now we're Singaporean
Let's reach out for Singapore, join our hands forevermore

Chorus:
One people, one nation, one Singapore
That's the way that we will be forevermore
Every creed and every race, has it's role and has it's place
One people, one nation, one Singapore

And when the time comes for the test
Our vigilance will never rest
We'll be united, hand in hand
We'll show the world just where we stand
And reach out for Singapore, join our hands forevermore

1 Jan 2015

First post of 2015. 
Before I take the big stride to live 2015 gracefully, I shall take this rare opportunity to take stock of 2014. 

Praise and Thanksgiving
- A new house, a new family, new responsibilities, greater appreciation of family
- Thankfully I did a birthday reflection and posted on 5 May 2014 
- Blessed with many overseas trips - Lombok, Yangon, Batam, Chiang Mai-7 fountains, Genting  
- Managed to sit for the Architect's PPE Exam
- Blessed with a truly relaxing low intensity 2nd high key ICT
- Managed to complete the NTU hostel project without much major hiccups and Client is very satisfied!
- Church of the Transfiguration project has finally made significant progress and will commence construction soon! More prayers needed to ensure timely completion. 
- Thanks to the proximity of the canal, I'm able to fulfill my minimum once a week exercise regime!
- Ever-growing and learning process with Moli of how to be a good husband and wife, to be models of faith. Learning to understand each other's love languages and effective communication. 
- Attending numerous joyous unions of friends..weddings! Though at times feeling the "wedding fatigue", it was still a good chance to catch up and good reason to let our hair down. Unforgettable dance parties at several friends' weddings. Bring back the mambos!
- Hosting friends at our humble abode and many enjoyable housewarming parties
- Able to chill in front of the tv on a comfy sofa and enjoying nice korean dramas with my wife. Simple pleasures.  
- Hugest thanks to my dearest Father in heaven for his healing hands on my dad who underwent a heart bypass operation and a liver tumour chemo. 
- Another new "baby"!! Thanks to my wife for initiating. Commencement of my cello dream! 

Hopes and Aspirations for 2015
- Able to connect with my cello and learn to play well, well enough to accompany at Mass by....Feast day?
- Children's choir? RCIY? Catechism? Young Adults community? Continue to stay in choir? Need more signs, discernment and prayer
- Realised the Good Friday Passion shadow play with the help of the youth community. Need to start working the script and playwrighting
- Europe trip cum honeymoon in April! Really hope no major work commitment will clash with this trip!
- Continue to build up my fitness and health and lower my cholesterol which hasn't come down for the past few years even though I've tried to control my diet. :(
- Put up more paintings/artwork to complete the look of the house.
- Hope that my team's morale and spirit will improve as the attrition rate is getting high and my boss is just too busy and worried
- Pass my PPE Exam and get my QP!
- Attend an annual retreat (either personal or couple)
- Fatherhood? God's will! Haha...but God's will only applies if one respond or is ready/willing. I think the sign points towards 2016....lol 
- Pray for a more patient, loving, purer and joyful heart that is able to love and receive love. With love (love = God), nothing is impossible!

Cheers to 2015!  

30 + 1

(brain cells are depleting after churning out the dissertation but shall press on and do this!)

Many long overdue posts and reflections that I owed myself and others. Shall try to accomplish all on this special day of mine - celebration of my 31 years of life on this earth. 

2013 The Christmas Experience
It was one of the busiest Advent perhaps due to the busy preparations of wedding, house renovations and of course, none other than work. There was no advent reflection, no spiritual preparation, no advent resolution. It was just dryness and everyday was just going through the motion and routine. Deep inside, I felt the longing, the waiting. I sensed certain emptiness maybe partly due to a lot of giving with little or minimal receiving. 

My choir was slated to sing for the Christmas Midnight Mass at our parish. As per previous years, we sang the good old familiar christmas hymns where the SATB parts were more or less ingrained in my head. And so I waited and waited, like the shepherds in the wilderness. So much noise around us (even as I write now, some inconsiderate people at the cafe just can't care less of the noise they generate). Hai. 

And so it was Christmas Midnight Mass, it was time Holy Communion. The choir began to sing the Child of the Poor / What Child is This. "...Who is this who lives with the lowly, sharing their sorrow, knowing their hunger. This is Christ revealed in the eyes of a child, a child of the poor." I started trembling in the verge of tears as I sang this. Instantly, He filled me and I became the child wrapped in the chill of mid-winter. Christ chose to be born this way to me in the Eucharist after an agonizing quiet wait. The last I recalled a similar intense experience was in the Infant Jesus Church in Prague when I literally queued up to receive in Holy Communion, trembling in tears. 

Indeed, when we often feel like we are suffering alone, Christ is suffering alongside with us silently. We often just focus on our own pains and struggles, striking our breasts and failing to lift our heads up to see Christ or to stop and lie in His bosoms to let Him say to us how much He loves us. Although I must say, sometimes he does profess His love for me in a rather unexpected and dramatic way!

But truly, thank You for that gift and reminder. It was a lovely Christmas present. 

2014 - Lent - Easter
Shortly after the rejuvenating experience at Christmas, I was thrown back into the furnace of life. Work, more intense wedding preparation and house renovation, though the latter two can be quite exciting and fun, but nevertheless draining. In the blink of an eye, the Big Day for Moli and me arrived and that fateful day on 1 March 2014 just zoomed past like a dream. Thankfully with technological advancement, we have beautiful video recordings and photos that allowed us to recall, reminisce and appreciate the very important day of our lives. More of the wedding reflection to be touched on later. 

Lent was spent trying to recuperate from the wedding and adjusting to a new stage of life, in a new home and family. House work & cooking our own meals became our new found responsibilities. We really began to appreciate our mums so much more. Lent reminds us (me) to pick up our crosses and follow Him. It calls for conversion of heart and returning to Him. Many a times, crosses were "assigned" or given as "gifts" to us as much as those unnecessary / undesirable crosses which we choose to pick up and load up on our backs. Imagine the pain we have to go through being nailed to the many crosses at different times. 

Easter came and it was a pleasant experience attending the Easter Vigil mass as husband and wife for the first time at the newly renovated St Joseph's Church, appreciating their beautiful organ sound and attending with 2 good friends. Easter joy was not experienced explicitly but more of a quiet appreciation and thanksgiving. To be joyful is a verb and it comes along with action to truly experience joy. The article in Word Among Us about St Francis of Assisi reiterated the mission of my new stage of life. 

"Forget yourself. Keep giving.
Set aside the idolatry of self-absorption.
Pain and suffering will come, 
but it is the suffering of taking up your cross as Christ did...
We open ourselves to both joy and suffering 
when we give of ourselves out of love to another."



The Vows
Was glad that both of us decided to spend 3 days 2 nights at Jln Merbok Canossian Retreat Centre to rest, reflect and share at the beginning of the year before we got too swamped. We reflected and shared on the meaning of the vows. It was pretty....daunting! Hahah.  In summary, it basically calls for us to "give", to give of ourselves to each other just like how Christ give himself to us and the Church. And it is not about giving when we feel like it, we were supposed to vow to give in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and for the rest of our lives till we meet God in heaven! 

It was also a blessing that I managed to catch up the readings in the book, "The Meaning of Marriage" that Moli gave me, which reinforces the meaning of the vow and the Sacrament. Some excerpts of it became my wedding speech. Hehe. Just want to archive it here and share with friends.  

"...through marriage, the mystery of the gospel is unveiled...the gospel is both pain & wonderful."
..Marriage...is a major vehicle of the gospel's remaking of your heart 
from the inside out & your life from the ground up." (I'm already slowly starting to feel it...)

"actions of love...we are commanded to love; not feel. Love even when you don't feel like it."

It's only the beginning of another phase of life. We are still learning, still figuring out, still learning the art of giving and receiving. A priest once said in his homily, in a marriage, you cannot practise the 50-50 principle but the 10 (take) - 90 (give) principle of giving and compromising. In retrospection, we also cannot demand a balance of the 10-90 where one expects to doing the 10-90 principle for 50% of the time and the other 50% of the time the other party has to do the 10-90. I would like to think that when both parties practice the 10-90 principle all the time, by God's "natural law" and the "law of spiritual equilibrium", a balance will be achieved and neither party will feel any lacking. True or not har? =)   

So what I try to tell myself daily, give first. "Talk and feel" later. 



On turning 31...
let's see how it was like the day before I turned 31:-
Spent the whole day and stayed till late in the night to finish the case study dissertation for my professional license exam submission. How does that sound? LOL

Flipped opened my spiritual journal and this is what I was called to do,
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
To declare Your loving kindness in the morning,
And Your faithfulness every night." - Psalm 92

Work life balance does not seemed to get any better
But still I give thanks for having a decently paid job 
and what more can I ask to accomplish building a church for God by 2016?

Marriage requires a lot of hard work (& heart-aches...haha)
I give thanks for this vocation that I've chosen and He has blessed me with
Thank you for the little joys of life and the chance to share this joy with my other half

Metabolism rate is slowing down. 
Tummy fats are growing!
I give thanks for that coz I think God answered my prayers! LOL!!
For I've lamented for the longest time that I have trouble growing fat!
A good spur to discipline myself to exercise more diligently! =D

For the gift of friends, 
I give thanks for friends who have stood by me, prayed, struggled and journeyed with me.
You know who you are. 

(oh men, starting to sound like a thank you speech at Star Awards)

For the gift of families and kinship,
I give thanks to that. Moli and me were really showered with much love and sponsorship that contributed to the making of a beautiful home. Can't wait to really spend time to do up the flat and my dream garden! 

For the gift of faith,
thank You. 

- your beloved

Mid-year crisis

Clock is ticking faster and faster 

Oh my goodness is June already

"Half a year has gone!" exclaimed many

How well have I lead my life? 

How have I tried to love in truth and charity?

How hard have I tried to repent and make straight thy path?

How much have I love You and allowing You to love me?

The "How"s and "what"s can make a list as long as the Nile River

And we swim down our river of Life with much anxiety, apprehensions & adventure. 

At times we hit the rapids, sometimes we sail peacefully

before long the speed picks up and down you plunge from the waterfall

surfacing again we move through bends, joined with other "lives" and at times split into other courses. 

Sometimes we hide in the darkness, sometimes we bask under the sunlight

A journey we can't see where's our end unless we see through His eyes from above

How I long to stop for a while, long enough, to be joined with Him again

drawing life and drinking from the wells of living water again

To nourish, to purify, to cleanse, to take stock.

Hymn of today's mass that never fails to move me in some ways and a reminder to call upon the Lord every moment:

"Lead me Lord, lead me lord, by the light of truth.

To seek and to find the narrow way. 

Be my way, be my truth, be my life, my Lord, 

and lead me Lord today."

My Lenten reflection/journey | 2013

(warning: It's going to be long)

Just wish to document my 40days of lenten journey as wholly as possible, in case one day I suffer from dementia. lol

Ash Wednesday - readings of the day has become the motto of my Lenten journey. =D

Joel 2:12-13 

"...come back to me with all your heart, fasting, weeping, mourning. Let your hearts be broken, not your garments torn, turn to the Lord your God again, for he is all tenderness and compassion, slow to anger, rich in graciousness and ready to relent."

Gospel Acclamation:

A pure heart create for me O God, and give me again the joy of your help.

1st Sun of Lent - Temptations of Jesus in desert

Temptations as part & parcel of Christian life, constant testing and trials -> Refiner's fire. For the 3 temptations Jesus experienced, I asked to practice the following:

- Practice Charity & kindness

- Practice temperance & modesty in our homes & workplaces

- Practice humility & patience to let the divine plan unfold in God's time

2nd Sun of Lent - The Transfiguration

Spiritual experiences (the coming down from the "mountain") sustains us in our discipleship. We need to go up to our "mountains"/seek our mountains (Sr Jess). And to also constantly remind ourselves of these mountaintop experiences - of God's loving presence in our lives (Br John). 

3rd Sun of Lent - The Fig Tree

God always gives a second chance. A second chance for us to bear fruit. We are called to examine our Christian lives, to contemplate our future with God & renew our commitment to reconcile our wounded relationship with God who loves us beyond measure. 

4th Sun of Lent - The Prodigal Son

Identifying myself with the 2 sons.

The prodigal :-

- God gave me His abundant blessings and graces but at times I "squandered" them away and taken them for granted. At times, thinking that I'm in control and can do without Him for a while, doing things my own way. Ended up wounded, despairing and spiritually dry (famine/hunger). But when I return to Him, he's all so loving and forgiving.

The elder son/bro:-

- Injustice and feeling sore while "slogging" to do His works and ploughing His fields while others just stand at the side to watch, comment or wait for harvest.

- Feeling unappreciated for the service/hardwork rendered to loved ones and friends. 

Yet, it is true that God was / is never unfair/stingy with His blessings and graces upon me. I'm just picking on the bones. 

5th Sun of Lent - The Adulterous Woman

All of us are struggling with sin. We are in a way all trapped (in our own "cages"). The Church is meant to enable us to choose the ultimate Good - which is God. "I'm an adult now, and I have the power to choose what is good for me, in thoughts, words and deeds" (Fr Richard Ambrose, penitential service). The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just. Amen.

Maundy Thursday

1st reading - The Passover

As I closed my eyes and listened to the words being proclaimed, I imagined myself being washed (splattered) in the Blood of the Lamb, all red. But I'm saved because of this great sacrifice, done out of love. As the responsorial psalm proclaims, "How can I repay the goodness of the Lord?"

The Institution of the Eucharist in John 13:1-15 - Body and Blood of Christ

As the priest shared, the meaning of the Eucharist is in the breaking and sharing. We, after receiving the body and blood of Christ, have become Christ (as He dwells in us) and are called to be broken and shared with others. To love another, to wash one another's feet. 

Good Friday

Watching the movie Passion of Christ for the second time gave me new insights/experiences. Nevertheless, big droplets of tears were shed during the various hallmark scenes. More interestingly, I was able to feel the pain of betrayal that Jesus felt (even though He knew/expected it) and also the shock experienced by Malchus when Jesus healed and restored his cut ears. It's beyond human imagination of the immensity of Christ's divine love for us, when we sinned against him, get hurt in the process, and yet he lovingly heals and restores. 

Easter Vigil/Easter Sunday

A different experience for me as this is the first time that I became a godparent of a 18-year old Indonesian boy. As last minute as it may be to be asked to be a godfather, I still managed to steal some time to try and get to know my godson better. So the first "test" for me was having to squeeze in a pew with 6 seated adults for 3-hours for the entire mass. This was because one of the godparents conveniently brought along her spouse to sit together. However uncomfortable and displeased I was, I choose to do the opposite and learn from Christ to give up of my pride and comfort. So I leaned forward for the entire mass so that the ones sitting beside me don't feel as squashed. But being human, I still can't help to want to make that "extra" person feel bad for landing me in that plight. More often than not, we said we want to rise to new life with Christ on this Easter. Yes, perhaps some parts of us, subconsciously or insignificantly. Coz we tend to look at our faults and failures more readily than our little triumphs. This time round, I felt that I'm still stuck at the "carrying cross and falling down" stage. The road to Calvary and the final crucifixion are still some distant away. The passion is still in the process. 

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
O Good Jesus, hear me.
Within Thy wounds hide me.
Suffer me not to be separated from thee.
From the malignant enemy defend me.
In the hour of my death call me.
And bid me come unto Thee,
That with all Thy saints,
I may praise thee
Forever and ever.
Amen.

(Disclaimer: Some of the reflections are extracts from the Lent 2013 reflection booklet.) 

Time of the year again for...NY resolutions...

Last year 2012, scored a 67% (aka accomplished 6 out of 9 resolutions set)
And "bonuses" including the following:-
- Kick-started volunteering at the Gift of Love Home (though now dying off again..:S)
- started my counselling sessions at St Iggy
- started journeying at RCIY. 

2013...what lies ahead for me? 

Besides focusing and planning for wedding & marriage prep, what else should I / can I aspire to do?
-Learn to 包粽子from Mum
- My exercise regime of once a week - need to set a rhythm
- Wishing for my 1st NS reservist to be filled with blessings *fingers crossed*
- Yg Adults at SFA --> New programs, get new people
- Climb Mt Kinabalu!! (so far managed to find Alvin. Yay.)
- A few short weekend getaways. No long holidays. 
- Able to pull through / manage the construction of the NTU hostel 
- To fulfill some of the new initiatives which I hope can put in place in office. 
- Find a clearer discerned purpose ...to teach?...or to do missionary work?
- Find out more about what it's like to uproot & do missionary work. Talk to Willy & Sarah's cousin
- Discerning and finding clearer focus/direction in Yg Adults/choir/others
- my personal growth and development...to reach another milestone/cross another hurdle of my own personal struggles.

Ok..list quite long already. STOP. 

Post Confirmation Camp Reflection

My first full conf camp
Finally a "mission" that I've longed for have been accomplished
I've fought the good fight
Am truly touched, inspired and empowered by this camp
The experience, the friendships forged, communities formed,
relationship deepened and a renewal of relationship with Christ.
Drawn closer to Him
Touched by the Holy Spirit
Inspired and Enlightened by Wisdom
I was utterly unprepared
Going through the motions of spiritual preparation
He was so generous and He provided, abundantly.
His grace is sufficient.
Truly. And so undeserving I felt at times.
Prayed for a humble servant heart,
To be an instrument for Him during the camp.

Throughout the P&W sessions, I constantly felt a sense of heaviness and burden.
pressing on me and I felt so helpless but to keep praying and praying...for the confirmands.
I felt their brokenness, their pain, hurts, rejections, struggles, loneliness etc.
I wept with them.
These common tears shed truly helped us to open up to one another,
and most importantly to God.
We are all in this together.
Sinful and sorrowful at times,
Constantly seeking for healing and forgiveness.

I thank and praise God for this wonderful team of facils, p&w leaders and organising team.
Am so proud and heartened that we are able to run a Confirmation camp so successfully
For the first time, finally
After 5 years of labour and sowing.
Fr David (our founder), must really be smiling in heaven and like what Lillian shared on Friday, he has been praying for us. Thank you Fr.

And finally, my wish of really being on the ground to journey with the youths have been fulfilled too, esp through the 1-to-1 session.
And God, you are really funny.
You sent me all the really "tough cases" for me huh.
But thank you, if only you don't think so highly of me. =P
It is a challenge.
Sharing the burdens, the hurt, the brokenness by being a listening ear and a consoling heart = need a lot of strength, wisdom and prayer.

But really, this camp have given me a renewed strength to serve.
A stronger sense of mission, purpose and empowerment.
And I thank the confirmands for this experience.

I don't care whether it's just a moment of spiritual high,
but I'll just let it burn as strongly and as long as it can,
and inflame the rest along the way and let the fire go on.
Pass it on!

Now...looking forward to a wind-down / relaxing trip to Bali to further rejuvenate and recharge and be back to chiong till the end of the year!